Profoundly Grateful

Technology is a curse and a blessing for me.

It’s a curse because it has touched every part of my life…even in the bedroom! By that I mean my husband wakes up to his iPhone alarm and then proceeds to check email and Twitter. It’s a curse because I will so often tell my kids before heading out to school or play…wait let me check my email first. Which could end up with me being delayed for 1/2 hour. Or I find us sitting at a restaurant all playing with something…iPhones, DS’, iPods. What happened?

Today I was reminded what a blessing technology can be and I feel profoundly grateful. On Facebook I re-connected with a cousin whom I love very much. She made my summers and I have always remembered her. She lives on the East Coast and I on the West. It’s easy to get disconnected when family  lives so far away. It has been close to 23 years since we last saw each other and close to 8 since we last talked. It’s easy to get disconnected once you become an adult and summers are swallowed by work and family. On a whim I decided to see if she is on Facebook and she is. We emailed and chatted and soon made plans to see each other this summer- as I happen to be in her area during my summer vacation.

She is the only link to my side of the family over there. A whole family that my girls nor my husband have ever had the pleasure to meet. But will do so this summer. And it would never have happened if I hadn’t been on Facebook today.

I realize that the other obvious blessing is with out technology nothing I do for work or this blog which is one of my pleasures (although I’ve been badly neglecting it lately) would be possible.

Sometimes it takes just one small connection- that feels like the world- something that was not expected- to remind me what a gift I have been given in the ability to have all this technology at my finger tips.

Find the Right Coach

As you may remember, I recently partnered up with Making Work at Home Work as a blogger.

By Mary M. Byers

In my last post I talked about working with a coach. This time, we’ll address how to find the right coach for you. I suggest the following:

Referrals. Ask friends and colleagues if they can recommend anyone to you. Listen to conversations. If you hear someone mention that they work with a coach, ask if they’d be willing to share the name and contact information. Referrals are by far the best way to find a coach.

Identify specifically what you need help with. Do you need help increasing your income? Decreasing your expenses? Someone to brainstorm marketing ideas with? Or, do you have plenty of ideas but lack the follow through to do them? In this latter case, you’ll want someone who can use a little tough love to hold you accountable for getting things done. The more specific you are regarding where you need help, the more likely you’ll be to find a coach that’s a good fit for you.

Search online. Do a search for coaches online. You’ll find plenty! Pick a few sites to go to, read about each coach and his or her philosophy, and watch the videos. You’ll get a sense of who you might feel comfortable working with. Narrow the list to these possibilities.

Request a complimentary introductory session. This is THE most important step. I “met” by phone with several coaches before finding mine. One coach spent the whole conversation talking about herself. Another spent the entire time saying, “If you decide to work with me, then…” And a third was not at all focused during our conversation, which led me to believe our coaching sessions would be the same way–frustrating for me.

Make the decision. Know that your coaching relationship won’t last forever. This makes it easier to decide who you will work with. Pick the coach you are most interested in. Then, ask if you can sign up for a limited number of sessions (a minimum of three). You’ll have a good sense of how the relationship is working after several sessions.

Be willing to do the work. When you enter a coaching relationship, you’re making a commitment to help your coach help you. And you’re making a commitment to doing homework between sessions as well as to do the heavy thinking required to help take your business to the next level. Coaches see lots of people who are willing to pay for help, but fewer who are willing to roll up their sleeves and get to work. Your work with a coach only pays off if you’re invested and willing to sweat along with your coach.

Good luck!

Mary Byers is the author of Making Work at Home Work: Successfully Growing a Business and a Family Under One Roof. You can learn more about making work at home work by subscribing to Mary’s free blog at www.makingworkathomework.com. Interested in more articles like this? Join the blog ring here.

In A Nutshell: Adapt and Accept

When I was pregnant with Natalia I gave much thought to what I wanted to teach her- or more specifically what behaviors I would model for her. I go from wanting her to be “nice” but not be a doormat. To honor her competitive spirit and yet remain a gracious winner and loser. I have a laundry list. Ask my husband. I’ve agonized- often late at night when he is trying to read his book and unwind- over whether I am modeling the right behavior. Yet it wasn’t until recently when two events made it crystal clear to me what is truly important- the best gifts I can give her and myself — is the ability to adapt and accept.

The first event is  her dance team coach was unexpectedly fired. Not only did she lose a dance coach whom she loved but also a teammate (the coach’s daughter). The team had 2 sessions before their next competition to not only practice with a new dance coach, who has a different approach, they also had to change their line ups to accommodate the loss of a teammate.

The second event is my mom bought me this book about survival titled Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why.  Morbid title – fascinating read. One that I will post in depth about next week. If I had to simplify what I got from the book it would be this:  the ability to adapt to the situation at hand and accept reality as it is will help you survive.

I took it one step further late one night and thought how it also applies to life in general.

I thought about how I was going to approach this with Natalia. Her dance studio has been very emotional over the loss of this instructor, actually two instructors (they were a husband/wife team). The last thing I wanted her to do was get caught up in the emotion of the situation.

So I sat her down and said “It’s going to be different. Your new instructor is not going to be like your old one. They are two different people.” I asked her to not look at it as bad or good – just different. I asked her to go in,  do her thing and keep her mind open. The way I looked at it she had two choices: get caught up in the emotions and lose her enthusiasm or adapt to the new situation, accept it, learn something new and go on.

She did. Her team won High Gold for their class and then 2nd over all for their age group. They pulled together and did it. Was it perfect? No. They’re 8 yrs old and had to learn new formations in 2 hours- but they adapted and succeeded.

This isn’t the end though. The old instructors opened their own studio. I’m sure there will be more changes – dancers that she knows will leave. We have a choice to stay where we’re at or move to the new studio. I’m not sure what we’re going to do. Going will allow her to continue to work with an instructor who is really fantastic with kids and very gifted. To stay would give her the opportunity to work with someone who may be equally as great but has a different style. Either way will  be different- uncertain and scary for her- but both come with its own unique opportunities. Adapt and Accept. Stay with the current studio, accept that it’s not going to be the same and adapt to the new instructor.  Go to a new studio, adapt to a different physical space and way of doing things and accept that it’s not going to be like it was.

Much like life.

Much like it is for an entrepreneur.

The Coolest Feeling….

I keep my business license in a frame on a wall in my office. For no other reason than to remind me that I am the owner of a real business.

Even though I work in sweats and from what is normally the formal dinning room in most homes it’s easy to forget that I’m a “real” business. I mean after all I don’t have a commute, a dress code, an HR department or a boss that I need to answer too. So my business license hangs from the wall reminding me while I may not always think of myself as a “bonafide” business – my city does!

So it was very cool when I inserted this year’s business license in the frame and out fell 4 years worth of business licenses. I felt like I did as kid when I started riding a bike. One minute my dad was holding on the back running along side me and then the next thing I know I’m riding the bike on my own.

It’s the coolest feeling….

It’s the best feeling in the world and one that

Thought of the Day

It’s been a busy kid weekend. Birthday parties, staying up late and play dates makes for some tired kiddos who turn on you. My dad and his girlfriend stopped by on Saturday and we all decided to go out to dinner to a local restaurant. I had every intention to make dinner but by the end of a very long day with a cranky girl – I was too spent to make dinner for 6 people.

In the middle of dinner as I was ordering my second glass of wine (I find wine calms the frayed nerves and the overwhelming urge to give my child away) I looked around and saw other mom’s with a glass of wine as well. I think if Motherhood ceased to exist the wine industry would fold like a cheap lawn.