The Entrepreneur’s Elephant in a Room

We become entrepreneur’s for various reasons. For some of us it was voluntary (we quit our jobs to pursue our dreams) and for some it was involuntary (when we are laid off).

There is a whole industry that caters to the entrepreneur and the sunny puppy love side to owning your business. I know I’ve written many posts about what a wonderful life it is to be an entrepreneur. And it is.

But there’s also the flip side to being an entrepreneur.

A side you don’t read or hear about often.

The dark side.

The hair raising, anxiety inducing 60-hour OMG weeks.

Instead we usually hear: It’s all flexibility and time off with the family.

And I knowingly drank the kool aid. After all I feel being a business owner is an awesome experience.

So I was a bit surprised by some reaction I’ve had from some fellow entrepreneurs about my taking a two week vacation this year…at once.

Without my laptop.

Unplugged from the mother-ship.

They couldn’t believe that I was taking 2 WEEKS OFF.

I didn’t realize I was doing something out of the ordinary.

Or maybe I’m talking to the wrong kind of entrepreneur.

We live and breathe and create our life and business around the “f” word (flow–balance is like that mythical one-horned creature we dreamt about when we were little girls. You oh so want it to be true and attainable but somewhere in the back of your mind you know it’ll never be).

And I started thinking….

Is this right?

Should I do this?

Is this fair to my clients?

Will my business survive?

What if….

But you know what, I owe my clients this vacation.

They deserve a VA who is happy, healthy and productive.

Just like I deserve to be a happy, healthy and productive person.

My family deserves a happy, healthy wife/mommy who isn’t on the verge of a meltdown trying to figure out how she can just attach a bottle of wine to her hip and feed it intravenously into herself.

All my clients have known about it since January. Any potential client I spoke with was told about it during the interview process.

For the last month I have reminding and planning with my clients about what needs to get done before I leave.

I also am planning out what needs to get done while I’m gone.

The stuff I can do ahead of time I am.

The stuff that can’t be completed ahead of time…I’m starting and will prep as much as I can.

And that brings me to the entrepreneurial elephant in the room.

For all the chatter about how flexible our life is, how we don’t work as many hours, how we are the master of our universe.

But are we really?

If I caused a collective gasp from taking 2 weeks off- how flexible have we allowed ourselves to be?

Did we really cut that corporate umbilical cord?

Personally I think we’re as flexible as we allow ourselves to be.

While my clients may not be doing cartwheels at the thought of me being gone for two weeks- they know they’ll be OK.

Things will get done.

Life will be OK.

This was intentional when I began my practice.

I am here to be of service.

But I am not a servant.

Day 5 and Day 6: Taking Care of Myself = Fun Times!

OK so going to the dentist isn’t at the top of  anyone’s fun list. It’s not on mine but it’s higher up than you might think.

Weird? Yes.

But finish reading my reason why before you decide that I need to be committed!

I love my dentist. She’s a fellow mompreneur who runs a solo dental practice.

You can tell she has put a lot of thought into her practice.

And I love going because I’m taken care of so well.

I had a cleaning done yesterday. It was a chilly morning.

I walk in and before settling in I am walked over to the hand paraffin station.

Yup…with every visit I get a hand paraffin wax treatment.  Love it!

Then I am taken to my chair, settle in and the pampering continues. It’s cold outside so I’m asked if I would like a blanket to keep me warm during my treatment.

Then I am asked if I would like to watch a movie.

Then I am asked if I would like clear or tinted glasses to wear.

Then my lips are given a coating of balm so they don’t dry out during my visit.

The cherry on the top of my visit this time was they gave me a rose for Mother’s Day.

Yeah I know that some dentists do some of these things. But my dentist has it down.

She knows what I likey and for that I don’t dread my appointments and actually look forward to getting my dental work done. Not only do I walk out with a sparkling white smile- but I got to watch a movie and get a spa treatment for my hands at the same time!

Today’s fun? I had an acupuncture appointment this afternoon.

Those little needles work magic on me and are better than any relaxation drug out there both legal and not so legal…so I’m told : D

For the 40 minutes while they’re working their magic I’m conked out and wake up feeling like I’m 23 again.

I’ve discovered that taking care of me is FUN and the payoff for everyone else is they get a healthier more relaxed mommy.

Find the Right Coach

As you may remember, I recently partnered up with Making Work at Home Work as a blogger.

By Mary M. Byers

In my last post I talked about working with a coach. This time, we’ll address how to find the right coach for you. I suggest the following:

Referrals. Ask friends and colleagues if they can recommend anyone to you. Listen to conversations. If you hear someone mention that they work with a coach, ask if they’d be willing to share the name and contact information. Referrals are by far the best way to find a coach.

Identify specifically what you need help with. Do you need help increasing your income? Decreasing your expenses? Someone to brainstorm marketing ideas with? Or, do you have plenty of ideas but lack the follow through to do them? In this latter case, you’ll want someone who can use a little tough love to hold you accountable for getting things done. The more specific you are regarding where you need help, the more likely you’ll be to find a coach that’s a good fit for you.

Search online. Do a search for coaches online. You’ll find plenty! Pick a few sites to go to, read about each coach and his or her philosophy, and watch the videos. You’ll get a sense of who you might feel comfortable working with. Narrow the list to these possibilities.

Request a complimentary introductory session. This is THE most important step. I “met” by phone with several coaches before finding mine. One coach spent the whole conversation talking about herself. Another spent the entire time saying, “If you decide to work with me, then…” And a third was not at all focused during our conversation, which led me to believe our coaching sessions would be the same way–frustrating for me.

Make the decision. Know that your coaching relationship won’t last forever. This makes it easier to decide who you will work with. Pick the coach you are most interested in. Then, ask if you can sign up for a limited number of sessions (a minimum of three). You’ll have a good sense of how the relationship is working after several sessions.

Be willing to do the work. When you enter a coaching relationship, you’re making a commitment to help your coach help you. And you’re making a commitment to doing homework between sessions as well as to do the heavy thinking required to help take your business to the next level. Coaches see lots of people who are willing to pay for help, but fewer who are willing to roll up their sleeves and get to work. Your work with a coach only pays off if you’re invested and willing to sweat along with your coach.

Good luck!

Mary Byers is the author of Making Work at Home Work: Successfully Growing a Business and a Family Under One Roof. You can learn more about making work at home work by subscribing to Mary’s free blog at www.makingworkathomework.com. Interested in more articles like this? Join the blog ring here.

Working with a Coach

As you may remember, I recently partnered up with Making Work at Home Work as a blogger.

Working with a Coach

By Mary M. Byers

I took the plunge and hired a coach late last year. She’s been a fabulous addition to my team and is worth every penny. Here’s how I’m benefiting:

Accountability: At the end of each session, we identify 3-5 activities for me to complete by our next session. I don’t want to disappointment my coach or embarrass myself so I find I’m highly motivated to get my “homework” done each month.

Advice: I’m able to outline my thoughts and then ask for her advice. Though she doesn’t always say, “This is what I think you should do…” she is always able to ask pertinent questions to help me come to a decision I’m comfortable with.

Expertise: My coach has small business acumen and more importantly to me, is an expert in online marketing, something that intimidates me. I have a lot of questions about how to implement my online marketing ideas and she’s a great resource for getting the answers I need. When I’m stuck, she reminds me that I don’t have to know how to do everything and that between us, we can find the resources to implement even the craziest ideas.

Companionship: Let’s face it, being a solo-preneur can be a lonely endeavor. My coach gives me someone to bounce ideas off of as well as the comfort of having someone along on the journey with me. Knowing someone else is rooting for me encourages me to continue to strive for excellence.

If you’re looking to help your business reach new heights in 2010, consider hiring a coach. Doing so is a great way to stretch yourself and grow your business.

Mary Byers is the author of Making Work at Home Work: Successfully Growing a Business and a Family Under One Roof. You can learn more about making work at home work by subscribing to Mary’s free blog at www.makingworkathomework.com. Interested in more articles like this? Join the blog ring here.

In A Nutshell: Adapt and Accept

When I was pregnant with Natalia I gave much thought to what I wanted to teach her- or more specifically what behaviors I would model for her. I go from wanting her to be “nice” but not be a doormat. To honor her competitive spirit and yet remain a gracious winner and loser. I have a laundry list. Ask my husband. I’ve agonized- often late at night when he is trying to read his book and unwind- over whether I am modeling the right behavior. Yet it wasn’t until recently when two events made it crystal clear to me what is truly important- the best gifts I can give her and myself — is the ability to adapt and accept.

The first event is  her dance team coach was unexpectedly fired. Not only did she lose a dance coach whom she loved but also a teammate (the coach’s daughter). The team had 2 sessions before their next competition to not only practice with a new dance coach, who has a different approach, they also had to change their line ups to accommodate the loss of a teammate.

The second event is my mom bought me this book about survival titled Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why.  Morbid title – fascinating read. One that I will post in depth about next week. If I had to simplify what I got from the book it would be this:  the ability to adapt to the situation at hand and accept reality as it is will help you survive.

I took it one step further late one night and thought how it also applies to life in general.

I thought about how I was going to approach this with Natalia. Her dance studio has been very emotional over the loss of this instructor, actually two instructors (they were a husband/wife team). The last thing I wanted her to do was get caught up in the emotion of the situation.

So I sat her down and said “It’s going to be different. Your new instructor is not going to be like your old one. They are two different people.” I asked her to not look at it as bad or good – just different. I asked her to go in,  do her thing and keep her mind open. The way I looked at it she had two choices: get caught up in the emotions and lose her enthusiasm or adapt to the new situation, accept it, learn something new and go on.

She did. Her team won High Gold for their class and then 2nd over all for their age group. They pulled together and did it. Was it perfect? No. They’re 8 yrs old and had to learn new formations in 2 hours- but they adapted and succeeded.

This isn’t the end though. The old instructors opened their own studio. I’m sure there will be more changes – dancers that she knows will leave. We have a choice to stay where we’re at or move to the new studio. I’m not sure what we’re going to do. Going will allow her to continue to work with an instructor who is really fantastic with kids and very gifted. To stay would give her the opportunity to work with someone who may be equally as great but has a different style. Either way will  be different- uncertain and scary for her- but both come with its own unique opportunities. Adapt and Accept. Stay with the current studio, accept that it’s not going to be the same and adapt to the new instructor.  Go to a new studio, adapt to a different physical space and way of doing things and accept that it’s not going to be like it was.

Much like life.

Much like it is for an entrepreneur.