Of course some of the worse offenders are the very sunscreens I use on my girls. And whether it’s true or not- the thought is there. I will be thinking every time I lather them in sunscreen if I am doing more harm then good.

Being the neurotic mom that I am, I immediately went online and searched out a sunscreen that is completely natural, still effective and won’t cause harm to my precious bundles. The next day I went to the only store in my area who carries the “safe” sunscreen and bought 3 bottles. Enough to last through the summer.

My husband laughed. I felt foolish. Did I over react? Am I letting my neurosis take over?

I went back to the store the other day to buy some groceries and guess what??? They are completely sold out of that particular sunscreen. Where they had a shelf full- now there is none. And you know what? I smiled. Because my tribe is out there. Those faceless souls like me who cannot stand the thought of  the slightest itsy bitsy possibly of doing  harm to their bundles of joy.

To my nameless faceless tribe…I just want to say thank you for being there. For making me feel I’m not alone in my neuroses.

There is a whole industry that caters to the entrepreneur and the sunny puppy love side to owning your business. I know I’ve written many posts about what a wonderful life it is to be an entrepreneur. And it is.

But there’s also the flip side to being an entrepreneur.

A side you don’t read or hear about often.

The dark side.

The hair raising, anxiety inducing 60-hour OMG weeks.

Instead we usually hear: It’s all flexibility and time off with the family.

And I knowingly drank the kool aid. After all I feel being a business owner is an awesome experience.

So I was a bit surprised by some reaction I’ve had from some fellow entrepreneurs about my taking a two week vacation this year…at once.

Without my laptop.

Unplugged from the mother-ship.

They couldn’t believe that I was taking 2 WEEKS OFF.

I didn’t realize I was doing something out of the ordinary.

Or maybe I’m talking to the wrong kind of entrepreneur.

We live and breathe and create our life and business around the “f” word (flow–balance is like that mythical one-horned creature we dreamt about when we were little girls. You oh so want it to be true and attainable but somewhere in the back of your mind you know it’ll never be).

And I started thinking….

Is this right?

Should I do this?

Is this fair to my clients?

Will my business survive?

What if….

But you know what, I owe my clients this vacation.

They deserve a VA who is happy, healthy and productive.

Just like I deserve to be a happy, healthy and productive person.

My family deserves a happy, healthy wife/mommy who isn’t on the verge of a meltdown trying to figure out how she can just attach a bottle of wine to her hip and feed it intravenously into herself.

All my clients have known about it since January. Any potential client I spoke with was told about it during the interview process.

For the last month I have reminding and planning with my clients about what needs to get done before I leave.

I also am planning out what needs to get done while I’m gone.

The stuff I can do ahead of time I am.

The stuff that can’t be completed ahead of time…I’m starting and will prep as much as I can.

And that brings me to the entrepreneurial elephant in the room.

For all the chatter about how flexible our life is, how we don’t work as many hours, how we are the master of our universe.

But are we really?

If I caused a collective gasp from taking 2 weeks off- how flexible have we allowed ourselves to be?

Did we really cut that corporate umbilical cord?

Personally I think we’re as flexible as we allow ourselves to be.

While my clients may not be doing cartwheels at the thought of me being gone for two weeks- they know they’ll be OK.

Things will get done.

Life will be OK.

This was intentional when I began my practice.

I am here to be of service.

But I am not a servant.

And it was a doozy of a 3 days.

Sunday was back to back shows- 7 hours at the theater, 3 costume changes and boy was I tired.

Then she had shows on Monday and Tuesday night as well.

All this was going one while I’ve been working 10+ hour days getting my clients squared away so things are pretty much done while I’m on vacation.

I complained. I whined. I was grumpy. Tired. Wondering what the hell made me agree to my daughter taking on such a time consuming activity.

Where was the “me” time. What happened to moving toward a more enlightened space where I didn’t hand every once of energy and time I have  to my girls.

Then I realized.

As a parent.

Sometimes I just gotta suck it up.

No matter the intrusion on “me” time.

No matter what else is going on at work.

Sometimes as a mom I gotta suck it up, take one for the team and be there with every last drop of energy I have.

Because when it comes down to it- that’s what a parent should do.

There  is no balance in life- only a flow.

And sometimes that flow goes out.

But there is a bonus to sucking it up. And it’s a biggie.

It’s the immense sense of pride and joy I feel when Nat took on a challenge and not only get through it with grace (as much grace as a very tired 8 yr old can muster) but succeed- granted I didn’t have these warm and fuzzy feelings in the thick of things – but like child birth in the end I forget about the pain and only remember the joy  : D

I realized I am one of those delay fun until the work gets done and I realized that while it’s necessary sometimes- it’s not a full time lifestyle that I want. I looked forward to the fun I had plan and realized it made the day that more enjoyable.

I also realized that fun comes in all forms.

While Memorial Day brought adult fun….golfing with hubby, shopping and lunch out..the last week and a half of school brought other kinds of fun.

I had a blast at all the end of year activities. The excitement on campus was palpable. It was hard not to get caught up in the excitement of the last day of school. Every night we’d say OMG there’s 3 days left of school. It not only allows me to be a part of something so important to them but it brings me back to when I was in that school and all the fun and expectations I had.

It’s an innocence we lose when we become adults and no longer have the joy that the “last day of school” brings.

And I’m grateful to be able to experience it with my girls AND be a part of the FUN!

It pretty much sums up in one neat sentence a broad sense of my life.

But it really hit home this week.

The end of the school year gets me reminiscing about the previous year. Probably because I’m always stunned that my girls are growing so fast. Every year I say I’m not old enough to have a  blank grader and a blank grader. This year was a whammy. A third and fourth grader. What???? How can that be????

It reminded me this time last year I was planning on slooooowing down for the summer. I was going to go heavy on taking time with the girls and status quo on my business.

It was a fabulous summer.

When summer ended I got sick for 4 months afterwards. And was forced to take it even slower. Hmmmm…. Then one day I woke up and realized my business has exploded (in a good way!). It makes me wonder if taking that time off and then getting sick was giving me the space I needed to create. I don’t think I would have had the growth had I not had that time.

This summer I have turned 180 degrees. While I am absolutely taking time to be with the girls this summer and a fabulous two week vacation…I am definitely focused on my business and fine tuning my growth spurt.

And so in preparation for this summer I’ve found myself raising my girls to a new level of independence.

I’ve taught my daughter how to make scrambled eggs in the microwave so I don’t have to listen to her whine about how STARVING she is and how she cannot wait 10 minutes while I finish up my email.

They wanted snow cones the other day and I was in the middle of working on a project. So from my office I gave them step by step instructions on how to use the snow cone machine (completely child safe) and make their own.

They were tickled…

I was tickled….

And then it dawned on me.

I really am raising kids and growing a business.

It’s not just a tag line.

I mean it!

It’s a super cool feeling.

It’s just not fun.

Not gonna do anything fun.

I’ve got a sick child who either wants me to sit and cuddle with them all day or they start to feel better and then I’m being begged to play a game.

That was my day yesterday.

I’m a pretty optimistic person and when things go south I usually find something…

but yesterday wasn’t going to be that kind of day.

Today…I’m not feeling it. It’s rainy, I’m catching up from having a sick child at home and have no energy for something “fun”…

unless…

maybe…

I can take a quick nap before the girls get home.

Now that would be fun!

For instance on Friday I committed to having my day clear from 9 am to 2:30 pm. It was an appointment with myself and I treated like I would an appointment I made with someone else. It was difficult. I had work come up that I could have done but I held fast and was rewarded!

I had fun.

I finished painting my bathroom and realized I love to paint. I’m not good in the prep department…I’m a messy painter to say the least…but I really enjoy it. It’s fun for me to transform a room and have it be an expression of where I’m at. Bath time is my down time. I can go in take a bath and am left alone most of the time. But we never did anything with the bathroom when we moved in. We didn’t finish painting the arch way and the color of the walls was an off white that made the room look dingy.  So I decided about a month ago that I needed to do something with the bathroom. It was time to finish painting the walls and bring in elements that support my desire for a place that’s tranquil and pretty and not to be shared with the girls! So I painted my bathroom white, went  out and bought big girl towels (not the thin and scratchy ones that I bought when I was 22 and broke but the Turkish Cotton so thick you get lost in the fluff- fluffy towels) in blue and I bought new candles and candle-holders to match.  I’m currently on the hunt for just the right and equally fluffy and soft bathroom rugs and other accents to finish my vision.

I was also richly rewarded because hubby called and invited me to lunch- not something that would’ve happened had I been knee deep in work.

Saturday I decided not to wait and made those Lavender Brownies and the bonus was Nat and her friend joined me in making them. I had fun watching the girls work together making the batter and then we all “licked” the bowl afterward!  They turned out yummy! I also made the Blueberry Lavender Mojitos…a keeper! Now I just need a 90 degree summer day to enjoy them properly!

Sunday the girls were off playing with their respective friends and Brian and I sat outside and read. It was WONDERFUL!

When I started this project I thought I needed to add more laughter in my life. Thinking it’s not really “fun” unless I’m laughing. I was wrong. Anything can be “fun” as long as I’m enjoying myself.

See school is winding down and there are many activities that are going on.

I’ve been busy with client work that needs to be done now and preparing for when I’ll be on vacation next month.

So I’ve had to change my perspective about the amount of time it takes to have fun.

I’m learning that sometimes I just need to have fun on the sly.

It could be the 15 mins of fun I had on Yelp the other day. Searching for fun places to eat while we’re in NYC. I have many memories from vacation- but the most vivid memories are always the ones where a really great meal was involved.

It could be the joy of thumbing through my new Lavender cookbook and looking at the pretty pictures or reading the ingredient lists. (I’m so going to make the chocolate lavender brownies and the lavender blueberry mojitos this weekend!)

Or the quickie afternoon walk I took with Schmitty. It was funny when he acted like a MAJOR wimp when I tried to get him to walk closer to  the pond. He apparently has an aversion to ducks.

What I learned about myself is my fun had to be pre-planned and if I thought there wasn’t going to be time I gave up completely.

But being a part of this experience and opening myself to have more fun.- I’m learning it doesn’t always have to be planned and fun doesn’t need a huge chunk of time either.

Sometimes fun just needs a little ingenuity and a willingness to be open to what comes along.

Natalia was having Natalia fun in the form of a playdate with a school friend.

Sam was having Sam fun at her friend’s house.

I had no idea what I’d be doing for fun.

Then I went to the mailbox to get the mail.

And realized…it’s fun for me to get the mail.

Weird. I know. But true.

I get all antsy about what I might find (in a good way!).

A card from a relative or friend?

A check?

My favorite catalog?

My favorite magazine?

Something that I ordered and forgot about it?

Or maybe something that I ordered and was eagerly awaiting it’s arrival?

I don’t freak out about the bills that come…I know they’re coming and don’t get bothered when they arrive.

No matter…it’s fun for me to get the mail.

And last night I was duly awarded for my eagerness to get the mail.

My Lavender cookbook came in…earlier than expected!

It was heaven!

I spent Friday on an all day field trip with Nat’s class. We went to the Puzzle People and it was very cool! I went on this field trip last year with Sam’s class and had just as much fun this year.

The couple that owns the shop doesn’t just give a tour of the factory and show how puzzles are made- they also give the kids a very cool presentation at the begining about what it means to be happy.

In a nutshell they told the kids:

1. Do what you love the money will follow.

2. Have fun with what you are doing!

3. It doesn’t take a lot of money to start a business (they talked about how they started with $30 cash and built it into a million dollar business)

How cool is that?

Saturday was spent going to the theater with my daughter’s Girl Scout troop and Sunday I sat outside and read.

The one thing about being unplugged was as much fun as I was having I did a lot of kid fun and not much me fun.

I had fun…but I can see where it’s one-sided and how I loose myself in my family.

My goal this week is to discover what fun means to me- as Lisa.

Not as mommy.

Not as momprenuer.

Not as wife.

But as Lisa.

What else is fun for me..besides my obvious go to activities (hot bath, reading a novel, etc)? These are fun for me. But they are no brainers.

Part of the reason for me partaking in this month of fun is to discover new things about myself.

Right now I’m drawing a complete blank.